The Power of Words: How They Shape Our Inner World​

Remember when we were kids and used to say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” Well… let’s be real for a second. Words do hurt—kind of. It’s not the words themselves, but the meaning we assign to them that packs the punch.

When I was about 28 years old, I was sitting at the bar of my regular Italian restaurant, having dinner and a martini, as I did every Thursday night. It was one of those places where everyone knew each other—imagine Cheers, but with rosemary garlic bread. I noticed one of my clients walk in and sit down at the bar. Naturally, I bought him a drink, and we started chatting.

He complimented the recent order we had completed for his company, praising the design. At the time, I owned a sign company that I had bought from my father earlier that year, and the business was going well. The night was going great, full of conversation and laughter, until my client said something that hit me out of nowhere, like walking into a gust of freezing air after standing by a cozy fire.

“You really proved your dad wrong, didn’t you?” he said casually.

And just like that, a bomb went off in my chest...

Confused, I asked, “How so?”

“You know, your dad once told me that he knew you were smarter than him, so you’d do fine on the business side of things. But he was worried you didn’t have what it took to run the company because you weren’t creative at all.”

And just like that, a bomb went off in my chest. I could feel my blood pulsing in my ears, louder and louder. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So I laughed, as if it were some kind of joke, because that’s what we do when we feel caught off guard, right? But inside, it wasn’t funny. Inside, all I could hear was that my dad didn’t think I was good enough.

Words hurt...

Words hurt. Or rather, the meaning we give to them hurts. That client thought he was giving me a compliment, focusing on my intelligence and business acumen. But all I heard was that my dad didn’t think I was capable. I had spent my entire life trying to prove that I was enough, and those words confirmed every insecurity I had been wrestling with. But here’s the thing—I could have just as easily heard something else. My dad did say I was smarter than him, and let me tell you, my dad’s a pretty smart guy. That alone should have felt like a compliment, but it didn’t. Why? Because I was focused on the wrong part of the message. I was too busy trying to prove myself to see the validation that was right there. If you’ve spent a lifetime trying to prove you’re good enough, chances are you’ve had moments like this too. You don’t hear the compliment—you focus on the part that suggests you’re not enough. And until you learn to stop giving so much power to these words, until you realize that you’ve always been enough, these moments will continue to hurt.

It’s not the words that hold the power: you do.

The truth is, words carry as much weight as we allow them to. They don’t hurt because of the words themselves—it’s the meaning we give them. We’re the ones deciding what they mean, and that decision can either empower us or disempower us. In my case, the meaning I assigned to those words—”not creative enough”—was my choice. I could have just as easily interpreted them differently.

Words can shape how we see ourselves. But remember, it’s not the words that hold the power. You do. You decide what they mean, and you can always choose a meaning that serves you better. 

Rebekah Hogan

Rebekah Hogan

Rebekah Hogan is the founder of MarkahVida, a coaching, education, and consulting firm based on the foundation of science and the communication of our minds. She works with executives and entrepreneurs to achieve self-mastery through connecting with and amplifying their authenticity, so that they can live with purpose and fulfillment.

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